I’ve recently been confronted with a rather difficult truth. That for the most part, the average person, on a regular basis, feels happy.
Not is happy, not thinks they’re happy, but actually experiences happy or joyful feelings.
Which is completely off the mark for me. When people talked about something making them happy, I never actually assumed that that meant that they then felt happy.
I’m likely the broken one, but my entire understanding of how the people around me work and make decisions has had to very rapidly shift, and it’s difficult to handle.
To give some context, I can think of feeling good, or happy or joy whatever you want to call it, maybe a handful of times in my life. All of which have been in the last few years. So to say, that I have a great appreciation for feeling happy would be a mistake. I was pretty excited to have felt it the few times I had. I thought I was doing well.
Now I find out, that I’m way on the outside. That people do things just to chase a feeling. It makes the world make more sense, and I believe it was something I knew, I just didn’t really internalize it.
I don’t really have a point here. I’m still working my head around it, but that’s the probleme d’jour.
Confessions of a Trans Professional 